I never knew those pains behind your laughter. I never knew how much suffering that you keep there inside your heart. You never show it and you always try to enjoy your life with that broken wing. You keep flying with the remaining wing you have, and that remaining is the one you need the most, the best thing you ever had in your life.
You have a big heart to bear all your troubles. You always cheer me and others, when inside you're crying. I remember those old times when we spent time together. We laughed like problems are never existed in our world. We danced like no one watched us. We spit jokes like they are super funny when in fact they are not then ended up laughing at ourselves for being silly. We did crazy things others never imagined to do.
We climbed the playground gates next to school when we were trapped, we came late for lessons, we ate Chinese noodle around my house and I left my socks close to my dog then she bit one pair of it and you laughed at me like crazy, we gave nicknames for seniors that we like and yelled when they were around, we mocked at each other like we've known each other for the whole life, we cried at the bus on the way back from Jakarta for the school trip, till we forgave each other at the retreat for what had happened. Many other sweet and bitter memories. It is still fresh in my mind how we did those unpredictable-mad-genius things. A posting in a blog will never be enough to tell everything about you, me, them... US!
You know you are hurt and killed inside, but again, you never show it. You stand on your feet no matter what. There came a time when I made a mistake and you and others started to ignore me. You stated your anger. You said "That's enough and we're done" . You were away from me. Oh no, it was you guys made me away. I will never forget those days when I was excluded. You will never know how hard it is, to be excluded from your own group, to be shunned and to be talked. How tough my days were during those time.I felt like wanna run and hide. I can't bear those pressure.
But, my friend. I forgive you. I have. Since a long time ago. And today, I understand why you did such those things. I am sympathetic for you. I never knew that you bear so much burden, I look up to you and your mom for whatever you've passed. You are a strong girl, as well as your mom. It is so touched to read your wordpress. My eyes were wet when reading those lines that you wrote to express how much you love and adore your mom, how much you proud of her for being strong facing your dad, how hard she works to provide for you, how she struggles to resist your dad, and how she keeps smiling to you when inside she's dying. Now I know the background why you're such a rebel and insolent girl, why you always try to attract people and catch their attention or even do mean things. But I don't care! We used to be bad girls together, didn't we? I care of you for whatever you are! I now try to look from your glasses and I know how tough are your struggles.
S! I'm proud of you! I really do! I look up to you for everything you've been through. I look up to you for you are the reason for your mom keeping her life going on. I'm sure yo are the motivation and the hope of her life. We experienced laughter, we tasted hatred, but at the end, I'm happy that we could hug and hold each other's hand, even only for a while. I'm glad that we finished those conflicts at the end of our story. We now have our own ways, you go your way and I go mine. Even though we don't walk together anymore, it's been a pleasure to know you in my life. We never know if someday at some intersection of life, God make us walk together again. I am thankful that now we don't shout and point one another, I am grateful we could "say" peace at the end. I know God will keep you and heal your heart, never to leave Him,S! I know you will make this through and someday you will understand that His plan is wonderful for you and your family.
Be good there, S! Be strong, cause I know you are. My prayer for you! If God allows, we'll meet up when I'm back :)
"I don't count those dark moments between us, I count those colorful ones. I can't delete them from my story of life, but I put them in a folder called 'learning' so I can look back at them every time I tend to do the same mistakes."
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